Stop the Stigma: For Kevin, and For Everyone Who’s Still Here

Stop the Stigma

Depression is a liar. It tells you that you're alone, unlovable, and beyond help. And in a world that still too often silences mental health struggles, Kevin didn’t always feel safe being honest about what he was going through.

He lived with depression—an invisible, relentless weight that followed him everywhere. On the outside, Kevin was warm, intelligent, and gifted. But inside, he felt misunderstood. He often questioned his place in this world and wondered about his life's purpose.

In 2020, if you are new to my blog, I loss my son Kevin to suicide. And though the pain of his absence is unbearable, what hurts almost as much is knowing how stigma added to his suffering.

What Stigma Looks Like

Stigma isn’t always loud. Sometimes it's subtle. It’s the awkward silence when someone mentions mental illness. It’s the jokes about “crazy” people. It’s being told to “snap out of it,” or “be grateful for what you have.” It’s being afraid to admit you’re in therapy. It’s hearing someone say, “He seemed fine to me,” when someone dies by suicide.

Stigma sends the message that mental illness is a weakness, a failure, or something to be ashamed of.

What Is Stigma, Really?

Stigma is more than just a bad attitude or a passing judgment. It's a set of beliefs and behaviors that devalue and discriminate against people with mental illness. It takes several forms, and all of them can be harmful—sometimes even deadly.

Public Stigma

Most people associate this concept with the word "stigma." Public stigma refers to the negative stereotypes and prejudices that society holds. It includes ideas such as:

People with mental illness are dangerous.

Depression is just weakness.

They should just get over it.

Public stigma causes discrimination, rejection, and silence. It isolates individuals and makes it more difficult for them to seek or obtain help.

Self-Stigma

When someone internalizes society’s negative beliefs, it becomes self-stigma. It’s the painful voice inside that says:

I’m broken.

I’m a burden.

I don’t deserve help.

Self-stigma can reduce self-worth, hope, and motivation. It can be especially devastating for people like Kevin, who already feel misunderstood. It creates shame, which can become another barrier to healing.

Institutional Stigma

This form of stigma is baked into systems—healthcare, education, the workplace, even the legal system. It shows up as:

• Mental health care is being underfunded or hard to access.

• Insurance companies are denying coverage for therapy or medication.

• Schools and employers lack accommodations or understanding.
  

Institutional stigma sends the message that mental health doesn’t matter as much as physical health, and it makes it even harder for individuals and families to get the support they need.

Kevin faced all three types of stigma. He felt the judgment of the outside world. He struggled with the voice in his head that told him he was less than he should be. And he confronted systems that didn’t always take his mental illness as seriously as it deserved.

Why Stigma Hurts

Stigma keeps people silent. It delays treatment. It creates fear. It tells people that their pain isn’t valid or essential.

Here’s what stigma did to Kevin—and what it continues to do to so many others:

• He worried about what others would think if they knew he was in therapy.

• He feared being seen as “too much” or “too sensitive.”

• He downplayed his suffering so he wouldn’t scare or burden anyone.

• He didn’t always get the help he needed because mental health was often dismissed or misunderstood.

• He drank too much to self-medicate.

What We Can Do to Stop the Stigma

We can’t bring Kevin back, but we can change the world he lived in. We can build a future in which no one feels ashamed of their pain. Here are a few ways we can all help:

1. Talk Openly About Mental Health Let’s treat depression, anxiety, and other mental health conditions like the health issues they are—real, severe, and deserving of compassion.

“I’m struggling lately, and I’m talking to a therapist.” — Say it. Mean it. Encourage it.

2. Watch Our Language Avoid using words like “crazy,” “psycho,” or “weak.” Words can either reinforce stigma or help dismantle it.

Try: “He’s going through something challenging. Let’s show up for him.”

3. Listen Without Judgment

Don’t try to fix or analyze—just be there. Sometimes all someone needs is to be heard and believed.

“That sounds really hard. I’m here.” — Sometimes, that’s enough.

4. Educate Yourself

Read, listen, and learn from people who live with mental illness or have loved ones who are suffering from mental illness and depression. The more we understand, the less we fear—and the better we can support those we love.

5. Share Resources

Refer individuals to therapists, hotlines, support groups, and community programs. Help them take that first step.

988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline (US) – Available 24/7National Alliance on Mental Health: https://www.nami.org/Crisis Text Line – Text HOME to 741741In Canada: Mental Health Support — https://www.canada.ca/en/public-health/services/mental-health-services/mental-health-get-help.html

6. Support Policy Change

Advocate for mental health funding, access to care, and education in schools. Vote for leaders who prioritize these issues. Challenge the systems that create barriers to healing. Donate to organizations that assist in mental health awareness.

For Kevin and Everyone Still Here

To Kevin

You were beautiful, inside and out. You felt deeply. You thought deeply. You loved music, and through it, you gave voice to the emotions you didn’t always share aloud.

I wish you had felt more understood.

I wish the world were kinder and more informed. I wish stigma hadn’t made your burden heavier.

But your life mattered. It still does. And I will keep telling your story—not because of how you died, but because of how you lived. With courage. With honesty. With heart.

If you're reading this and struggling, please know: You are not weak. You are not alone. There is help, and there is hope.

And if you love someone who’s hurting—don’t wait to say something. Ask how they’re really doing. Sit with them in their pain. Be a safe place. It could save a life.

Together, we can stop the stigma.

For Kevin. For yours. For all of us.