Hope in Grief

Reach for Hope

What is Hope after Loss

We hope for different things in life. As a high school senior, you may wish to attend college or expect to find the ideal job after graduation. Hope turns to desires, and desires turn to dreams. I have achieved everything I had hoped for—marriage, two kids, a career, a lovely home, and friends. But they came crashing down when my son died.

Hope (noun) is a desire accompanied by expectation of or belief in fulfillment (Webster). What does hope look like in my grief journey? Here is an acrostic poem that expresses my definition.

H—Help others as early as possible in loss because service brings hope -- less focus on the pain.

O —Open to joyful moments, as they can co-exist amidst loss and grief.

P —Persevere through pain as it is the only way out.

E —Embrace all the irrational emotions that arise after a tragic loss upends your life.

Support by groups, family, and friends

I love reading hopeful stories that inspire me to uplift my spirits as I travel through unknown territory of grief, which can be scary and inspiring. I've discovered that sharing my life with the public can be daunting, but embracing reality brings a sense of freedom. I invite you to join me on this journey of hope as we explore the depths of our inner selves.

I search for hope in many different places. Grief communities, as well as my family and friends, have become vital lifelines during the horrific moments when I felt overwhelmed by pain and devastation. I see grief as an onion; each layer we peel back reveals more profound, more intense emotions. Having kind, compassionate, and safe people to lean on is crucial.

During COVID-19, there was no in-person meeting, and I am incredibly grateful for online connections. I found David Kessler's Tender Hearts program (grief.com), which was and continues to provide invaluable knowledge about loss, grief, and hope. Listening and learning from others who have traveled this rough terrain gave me hope. Other bereaved stories have inspired me, but I understand that opening up to others is daunting yet inspiring. However, the only thing that matters is the truth and no sugar-coating how to evolve around loss.

Friendship provided hope as they lifted me when I needed it the most. Some of my friends demonstrated their love and the value of friendship by showing up for me, especially on special days. Although no one is perfect, love, kindness, understanding, and acceptance are vital attributes in friends. One friend sent me a message every day for the first year, and sometimes, that got me out of bed, knowing someone cared enough and thought of me daily. It gave me hope, and I cherish those messages. 

Gratitude, Pathway to Hope

There is a profound sense of hope in the act of helping others. A year after the devastating loss of my son, I found myself volunteering to assist a refugee family. In helping others, my sorrow and grief faded into the background as I focused on how I could provide support to this family who had endured so much hardship. I immersed myself in their world, seeking ways to ease their burden and lift some of the weight of their despair.

Additionally, my experiences serving meals at local homeless shelters have opened my eyes to the blessings in my life. I am reminded of the abundance that surrounds me. The act of giving not only brings joy to those I help but also fills my heart with a sense of fulfillment and gratitude that is deeply enriching. It’s a beautiful reminder that the rewards of compassion can be twofold: by giving, I also receive a wellspring of hope and purpose.

Gratitude, like helium filling a balloon, can transform hearts. It's a beacon of hope that can guide us through the darkest times. By shifting our focus from pain to gratitude, we can open ourselves to the possibility of change and dispel the feeling that life has lost meaning or that melancholy is our constant companion. At the right time, hope is not just a possibility but a reality. "Hope is the thing with feathers that perches in the soul."—Emily Dickinson. Hope can overcome discouragement or dejection and help uplift and inspire us.

Faith

Faith puts our worries about uncertainties in the hands of God. He is the only one who knows how the future will play out. Faith changed my mind around hopelessness as I placed my trust in God's hands. You can survive forty days without food and three days without water but can't last a second without hope (Rick Warren). Looking back at my son's journey with clinical depression and the battle he fought, he lost hope because there was no relief from the mental torture that he endured.

Hopelessness is an emotion where you feel like you have no future. You might also feel like you have nothing to look forward to or that things will never improve. It's a common symptom when one is diagnosed with clinical depression (Medical News Today). Hope is always with us, and we have to find it with the help of others and faith.

I was determined to hold on to hope and believe that God gives real hope, not job satisfaction, money, or success. Romans 12:12 says to be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, and faithful in prayer. I trust God to guide me and not lean on my strength (Proverbs 3:5).

In time, you may discover that hope doesn't mean forgetting or moving on but instead learning how to live with your grief while still honoring your person's memory. They have shaped us in ways that no one else can. The love we carry for them is eternal, and that love can continue to inspire and strengthen us as we move forward. As we find hope during loss, we must take one day at a time and be gentle with ourselves. "Hope is being able to see that there is light despite all of the darkness."— Desmond Tutu.

Losing hope and missing our person is incredibly difficult. We are on this journey together—supporting, encouraging, and understanding each other's pain. You are strong, never alone, and hope is possible!