Does Prayer Work?

What Prayer Really Is and Isn’t

Praying/Crying out to God

If you’ve ever grappled with the enigma of prayer, you’re not alone. Many of us perceive prayer as a sort of divine request box: “What can I do for you?” We entrust our deepest desires and await His intervention.

From childhood, we’re taught that prayer is powerful, that if we ask in faith, God will answer. We hear stories of miraculous healings and impossible situations transformed because someone prayed. And yet, for many of us, there comes a day when prayer doesn’t “work” the way we thought it should.

We prayed for healing, but the sickness persisted.

We prayed for protection, yet the accident occurred.

We prayed for deliverance, but the depression stayed.

I know this intimately. I beseeched countless times for my son Kevin—pleading for his suffering to ease, for the shadow of depression to dissipate, for joy to return. I prayed with hope, tears, and desperation. Yet, Kevin’s battle persisted, and in the end, he succumbed to his mental health struggles. He fought valiantly with his faith and medication, but the healing I yearned for never arrived.

I also prayed for my 23-year-old niece, diagnosed with colon cancer in 2014. I believed with all my heart that God would heal her, but she died within six months. She was faithful, and entire churches prayed for her. The support and prayers of the community during this time were a source of strength and comfort for the family. When she died, I shut down spiritually. Over time, I slowly returned to prayer, especially during Kevin’s struggles, because God was the silent listener I needed when no one else could understand the weight of my fears. In those moments, the questions were deafening:

Was God even listening?

Did my prayers fail?

Did I fail?

Transaction or Relationship?

Part of our struggle comes from how we’ve been taught to view prayer. Too often, we think of it as a transaction:

If I pray hard enough, have enough faith, or say the right words, God will give me what I ask for.

But prayer is not a formula, and God is not a vending machine. Prayer is not about controlling outcomes. It’s about entering into a relationship with the One who knows us better than we know ourselves.

Sometimes the answer is yes.

Sometimes it’s no.

And sometimes it’s not yet.

That truth doesn’t make the silence any less painful. Isaiah reminds us: “My thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the Lord” (Isaiah 55:8). Those words comfort and frustrate at the same time. They remind us that God’s perspective is larger than ours, yet they leave us aching with what we cannot understand. When Kevin was struggling, I often prayed for complete restoration. When my prayers wasn’t answered, I felt broken. Why would a loving God allow this? Why didn’t He intervene?

Anyone who responds with clichés: “God knows best, everything happens for a reason, or you didn’t pray enough, only deepens the wound. Such words underestimate the weight of grief and can leave us guilty, angry, or hopeless. And what about the child who prays to be made whole, only to face disappointment? How could they not feel betrayed?

Countless people, including well-known ministers and individuals from all social classes, have prayed sincerely and still experienced loss. The fact that their prayers didn’t alter the outcome doesn’t mean their faith was weak or that their words went unheard.

When we pray for a favorable outcome, what are we actually asking for? Did God rewrite the laws of nature? Does He reward the “right” words with miracles, or punish us if we get them wrong? If that’s how God worked, how could we ever respect or worship Him?

Prayer is not a magic wand. It is a presence. It is a connection. It serves as a reminder that we are not alone. It is a powerful force that can transform not only our circumstances but also ourselves.

What Prayer Is

Prayer connects us to God, to ourselves, and to one another. It acknowledges our pain, our hopes, and our humanity.

When we pray with or for others, it may not change circumstances, but it changes something in us. It builds solidarity. It reminds someone facing surgery or a devastating diagnosis: “You are not alone. Your fear is seen. Your hope is shared.”

That is the true power of prayer. It redeems us from isolation and gives us courage to face whatever comes, not because it guarantees a specific outcome but because it assures us of presence, compassion, and love.

Lies we believe about prayer

When prayers seem unanswered, lies creep in:

• Lie: There is no God.

  Truth: “The heavens declare the glory of God” (Psalm 19:1). Creation itself testifies to His presence.
  

• Lie: Someone else’s prayer was more worthy.

  Truth: “For God does not show favoritism” (Romans 2:11). He hears every prayer with equal care.
  

• Lie: Prayer is a sham.

  Truth: “The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective” (James 5:16). Prayer may not change outcomes, but it changes us.
  

• Lie: You weren’t sincere enough.

  Truth: “Before a word is on my tongue you, Lord, know it completely” (Psalm 139:4). God sees the heart, not just the words.
  

• Lie: You are a bad person.

  Truth: “Nothing… will be able to separate us from the love of God” (Romans 8:38–39). His love is unshakable.
  

• Lie: You didn’t pray the right way.

  Truth: “The Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans” (Romans 8:26). There is no wrong way to reach for God.
  

I wrestled with all of these lies after Kevin’s death and my niece’s. But the truth remains: unanswered prayers don’t mean God is absent. He gathers every tear (Psalm 56:8), hears every groan, and holds every prayer close.

What they mean is this: we live in a broken world where suffering exists, where God’s will is often hidden, and where prayer is about relationship and transformation, not transactions. Outcomes do not define prayer! Instead, prayer is about aligning our will with God's, understanding that His will may not always align with our desires, but that His plan is always for our ultimate good.

What prayer really does

So if prayer doesn’t always “work,” why pray? Because worship isn’t about changing circumstances, it’s about changing us.

• Prayer steadies us when life shakes us.

• Prayer comforts us when grief overwhelms us.

• Prayer reminds us we are not alone, even when silence feels unbearable.

  
  

Over time, I’ve learned to pray less like God, fix this, and more like God, be with me in this. While it didn’t bring the miracle I wanted for Kevin, it got me the strength I could never find alone and peace that defies explanation.

I’m teaching my granddaughters to pray each night, not so God will grant every wish, but so they can grow up knowing they are never alone. Research even shows that prayer provides comfort and resilience in times of loss or trauma. Prayer draws us into God’s work, not with a wish list, but with willing hearts open to transformation.

Closing Reflections

Throughout His ministry, Jesus often withdrew to pray. After feeding the five thousand, He sent His disciples ahead and went alone into the hills to be with His Father (Matt. 14:22-23). If Jesus Himself needed prayer, how much more do we?

So why don’t prayers always work? Because worship was never meant to control God. It was meant to draw us closer to Him. It’s about holding on to God in the midst of the pain and suffering, trusting Him when we don’t understand, and knowing His love never leaves us.

My prayers didn’t keep Kevin here, and that pain will never entirely go away. However, prayer has kept me connected to God and helped me through my trauma, tragedy, and growth in faith.

When things go the way you hoped, give thanks. When they don’t, remember this: God may be silent, but He is never absent.

Prayer is more about building a relationship than getting answers. More about being transformed than changing outcomes. More about discovering God’s presence in the midst of pain than avoiding it.

And maybe that is where its true power lies.

I welcome your thoughts and comments,